Everything I never meant to say
by Sandrine C
Summary: 1x22 the kiss from Katherine's perspective. "'What are you doing here' I asked, carefully composing my expression so as not to betray my surprise at finding Damon at this house,at this hour.Clearly, Isobel had managed to conceal some information from me.


**Everything I never meant to say**

******Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Vampire Diaries **don't belong to me. Credit goes to the rightful owners.

I walked up the porch steps, arms loaded with Elena Gilbert's things, to find Damon coming out of the front door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, carefully composing my expression so as not to betray my surprise at finding Damon at this house, at this hour. Clearly, Isobel had managed to conceal some information from me. She will pay, or her daughter will somehow. I will decide later.

"Failed and feeble attempt at doing the right thing," Damon said, the expression on his face disbelieving that he was capable of even _trying_ to be good.

"Which was..?" I asked trailing off, curiosity getting the better of me wanting to know more of his presence in the girl's house and maybe to fill in the blanks that Isobel so conveniently downplayed.

I stared at Damon as he came closer and I realized I could see none of the monster that left a wake of destruction for the last century and a half. I kept track of him and always knew where he was, how searching for me was slowly driving him mad to the point of numbness and evil. It amused me, that even out of sight I could control him and shape him.

But in front of me was a man, not a monster, and I can hardly believe it but could it be? Was this that Elena girl's doing?

"It's not important," Damon said with a slight shake of his head as if he could get rid of his disbelief that easily, "Let me take this for you."

"Thank you." I replied automatically, keeping to safe words even if I already wanted to lash out and try to desperately keep the tenuous hold I must still have on his heart.

I watched him lay down Elena's things, his gentleness unnerving me, making me angry that a human girl might have temporarily replaced me in Damon's life. How dare she tame the rage and passion I had worked so hard to build in him? How dare she make him love her? But I could not lose control, not yet. I needed to see it through. No matter how much I wanted to slap sense into him, I needed to let him take the lead on this. It wasn't time.

"You know I came to this town, wanting to destroy it. Tonight I found myself wanting to protect it." Damon said breaking the silence, his voice distant.

I watched him closely, noting how he fidgeted with his ring, his nervousness revealing his vulnerability as he broke down his own walls. I stood in shock of what he had become. I stared, waiting for him to recognize me, but I knew he could only see Elena. He was so far gone that he couldn't even tell I had no heartbeat.

"How does that happen? I'm not a hero, Elena. I don't do good. It's not in me," he said looking away, ashamed of the evil in him, the very thing I worked so hard to create in him and which he is now losing rapidly

"Maybe it is." I said mostly to continue the conversation, but knowing that my own honestly seeped into that phrase.

I looked on and saw that this Damon is closer to the human I met before—weak, pathetic and had goodness locked away deep inside. This isn't my creation. All of this, his words, his facial expression and his emotions, are all because of that lookalike. She helped him find it in him.

"No," he said shaking his head, not even brave enough to look up and believe the possibility, all arrogance leaving him, "No it's reserved for my brother, you and Bonnie. Even though she has every reason to hate me… still helped Stefan save me. "

"Why do you sound so surprised?" I said playing my part and filling the silence.

"Cause she did it for you." Damon replied, catching me off guard.

'_Maybe there's more to this girl,'_ I thought to myself as I realized she has managed to manipulate both brothers and probably all those around her to do her bidding—and without any powers.

"Which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving." Damon continued, his voice dripping with emotion that threatened my temper.

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding. It was all the confirmation I needed. It wasn't some unknown power or manipulative tactic. I was something else that made this all happen. I couldn't believe it.

I was Damon's obsession but this girl, this Elena, she was the one he truly _**loved.**_

I brought out the darkness in Damon, all the evil pent up inside from being second best all his life and I fueled him to become the monster he is now ashamed of.

"And I wanted to thank you for that," he finished and I could only hear how much he meant every damn word. My ears bled hearing his honesty. I wanted to hurt him for saying it because in my mind, he already said he's forgotten he was supposed to love only ME.

This Elena Gilbert, destroyed all of my work, picking up the thousand pieces I shattered Damon's heart into so he could never find his humanity. I could see it in his eyes, he was whole and I, the supposed love of his life, was the farthest thing from his mind even though I was right in front of him. He risked everything to find me and now, he can't even recognize me.

"You're welcome." I responded, wanting to end this moment before I lost myself and revealed everything right then and there if I ripped out his heart.

He kissed me on the cheek, further proof of the changed man before me. It dawned on me that Damon wouldn't even try stealing her away from Stefan. It would hurt her and he couldn't do that. He would bear it rather than curse her with that kind of guilt, the one I never had. My eyebrows creased in thinly veiled anger and confusion, as I wondered how a year could undo more than a hundred years work of preparing him to be the monster I wanted him to be. How could one frail, insignificant human undo all this?

I could have turned around when he pulled away, but the love and desire in his eyes, pure and raw, left the ghost of a smile on my face. This game was one I knew well and can easily win. The stakes are high and the thrill of the risk if he realizes who I am made it sweeter. It will be worth it when he finds out later that he bared his soul to the wrong girl and the right out is still out there with brother dear, probably professing their love for one another. It's only the beginning. Damon will pay for this betrayal.

He leaned in for a kiss, hesitant at first, and I followed his lead. I almost pulled away, anxious that he would somehow sense something was wrong but his hands found their way to my face and pulled me in deeper into the kiss. His lips were soft against mine, gentle and desperate at the same time, as if he was trying to say things he knew he shouldn't but had no power to stop anymore.

But I could hear the words just the same. I could feel the truth.

He never kissed me this way. No one did. Ever.

In that moment, I wanted to be Elena. I wanted to own the promises he was making with his kiss.

I wanted him to protect me. Not play around with me.

I wanted him to care about me. Not obsess over me.

I wanted Damon to love _**me**_. Not Elena.

But it had to end. Some people have impeccable timing, and Elena's aunt was one of them.

"Hi." I said to the woman at the door.

"It's late, you should probably come inside," she said tersely, obviously reacting to the fact that her "niece" was kissing the wrong Salvatore.

The spell had broken. I was Katherine again. I stepped away from Damon and picked up Elena's things. I didn't look back but I knew he watched me.

I couldn't look into his eyes, not after that kiss. Because he'd realize that the eyes staring back at him contained only hatred for the girl he loved.

And if everything I forced out of Isobel were a lie, if I were to pretend a bit longer that I was Elena, I should have looked at him with tortured and conflicted eyes because I kissed a man I'm not supposed to be with but am completely in love with.

I won this round. Damon will be enraged when he figures out he revealed his worst weakness to me, the one thing that will allow me to keep him on a tight leash.

And as for Elena, she will never know, past second-hand words from her mother, that he loves her enough to forget me. She will never know her own heart because in deciding Damon was worth saving, she also decided to love him. She cannot know. She will not. I won't let her. I will take Stefan and I won't leave Damon to pick up the pieces.

Damon is mine.

**Mine.**


End file.
